Sick & Tired of Being Sick & Tired

Hello, adoring fans. Well, as Maggie will tell you, I have been working out again for about a week now. But I was also majorly lacking motivation. Well, people, wait no more. I have found it. There are a few reasons, but I'll start at the beginning.

When Jenny came to visit, we did some shopping at Towne Centre in Mt. Pleasant. Now, if you don't know Jenny, she is wonderfully petite and adorable. She has lost a lot of weight and gives me hope that I can be "petite" one day too. (I am half way there, being 5'2". NO, I didn't round up to 5'3" as usual, so get off my back.)

Anyway, Jenny wanted to pop into Ann Taylor Loft to check out a sale. As soon as we entered the store, sure, I realized I couldn't get my left ankle into anything there. But I didn't mind perusing the racks with Jenny. So the sales lady comes up to Jenny and totally ignores me. My Pretty Woman moment in the dress shop! She will only speak to her and can't even look me in the eye. And then I see her giving me a snide look from afar as she slinks to the other side of the store.

You know what, Retail Harpy, I'm sorry I'm not middle aged, making minimum wage in my last season's Marc Jacobs knock-off flats. And for all YOU know, I could be buying a gift card or buying a must have accessory or two. Well, just you wait. When I'm skinny, see if you see my PETITE behind in Ann Taylor Loft! To quote the movie, "The War" - I can go on a diet and get skinny, but you'll always be uuuuuggg-lyyy. So there, you condescending shrew.

Moving on. Coupled with the Ann Taylor Loft incident of '10, I've had another revelation. I deserve to be happy. That might seem like a silly, simple concept to some of you. But for me, and for plenty of other overweight people (Just watch The Biggest Loser), it's a tough one. People can tell you all day long you're pretty, you're worth it, you have great hair (Okay, I don't mind that one).. but unless YOU believe it, none of it matters. I think it's the same for people who have eating disorders or drug addictions. You think you're not worthy of being happy, so you abuse your body... because WHO cares?

I'm not going to let other people hold me back anymore. And more importantly, I'm not going to hold myself back anymore. I am sweet, 'ol Liz who takes crap from everyone. I am just expected to do things for everyone because that's who I am. I am expected to not only take everything that is thrown at me, but do it with a smile. I don't make waves. I don't pout if I don't get my way. I don't put myself first.

Well, guess what... Lizzie just took her earrings off. It's on like Donkey Kong. I will go Bon Qui Qui on you faster than you can say King Burger. I am the same person underneath that I always was. I do things for people because I love them and because I don't mind taking care of others. But even I can only be pushed so far. I am going to hold my head high and put myself first for once. I am going to shed the self-loathing skin I've been living in. I am going to make time for the gym. I am going to put myself out there and be confident. (Because maybe one day I'd like to not have a barren womb.) And I am going to lose the weight because for the first time.. maybe ever.. I believe that I deserve it.

Sure, it's kinda scary thinking about being 26 and single. I want a lot of things for myself and my future. But I will never have those things if I'm not happy and secure with myself. And as a simple suggestion to my readers... Please join me in my ban against Ann Taylor Loft. I would rather hem every pair of pants I buy by hand than shop their petites section!

Last night, I took a 3 mile walk with Maggie on the trails. Today I walked the Mt. Pleasant Pier at lunch. After work I am going to gym to do the Tred & Shed class (eek!). And tomorrow I am walking (see: gasping for air on) the Bridge with Renee after work.

I know I will go out to eat. I know I will indulge in New York next month. But I also know that I feel free and relieved. And I think that will make all the difference. :) Thank you to my TRUE friends who inspire me every day.