It's tricky

Hello dear readers.. and lurkers. Well, I did join the gym on Monday. I like working out in the ladies only section. Not really to avoid the men, but just because it's quieter and there are less people. Plus, from my perch on the elliptical machine, I have a birds eye view of whatever class is going on.

Monday night was Turbo Kick. A teeny, saucy Latina woman and her even teenier daughter were the instructors. We were about to leave the gym when the class started. All of a sudden Run DMC's "It's Tricky" started blaring and I could tell Maggie was getting into it. She convinced me to stand in the back of the class and join in for a few minutes. It was like kick boxing but a little more dance-y. Lots of booty shaking. I know Maggie enjoyed the triple jump back. It's hard to explain the moves. Tricky, even.

Tuesday night I spied on the Zumba class in progress. It's like a cardio workout based on Latin and other dance moves. I might consider doing that class sometime. Although I have NO rhythm whatsoever. I'm not just being modest either. No offense to my sisters, but none of us inherited the ability to dance well. It's just not in the genes. Can rhythm be learned? I'm not so sure. But it looked fun anyway.

I don't even know WHAT to call the class that was going on last night. The instructor was this kooky, hippie lady. They were doing like tribal dance moves 'n such. I felt like I was watching "The Lion King" on Broadway. And she kept saying things like, "Feel the music!", "There's no right or wrong way!" I beg to differ. Ahem. And then she had them gyrating on the balance balls. They were told to get into the position like you're having a baby and push. Not sure what kind of physical benefits that provides.. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

In any case, I'm enjoying the gym and I'm glad I joined. I push myself a little harder each time. I've definitely built up my endurance and am able to do things for longer. Oh and Maggie helps. As I told her, she thinks she's Jillian from The Biggest Loser. I know I'm in trouble when I want to quit and she shrieks, "ELIZABETH!" Although she hasn't told me not to get off the treadmill unless I'm bleeding or dying yet. Tomorrow is another day.

And now for my big news. It has been one month since I got back on track with my diet and exercise. And as of this morning I have lost SIXTEEN LBS! ::stirring the pot::

I'm going to take this moment to pat myself on the back. Yes, it has been hard. But it's not impossible. For me anyway, the most important thing is planning ahead. I pack my breakfast, lunch, & snacks the night before. When I buy a package of something, I portion it out into single servings so I'm less likely to eat the whole thing. I have fruits and vegetables coming out of my ears. And yes, I allow myself the occasional treat. Who can give up carbs or sweets for their entire life? That's just not realistic.

I look better but more importantly I feel better. And staying on track is even becoming.. you guessed it.. less tricky.

Recent pic of moi

Anything I'm Not

I bought the Lenka CD a couple weeks ago and absolutely love it!! The Show is an awesome song but my favorite is Anything I'm Not. When I first heard it I was like... That's me! It just describes me perfectly at this stage. And let's face it.. I will never be tall.

It all started with the toilet paper

So yeah, when I wake up with a headache, it pretty much stays with me all day. Which kind of sets the tone, if ya know what I mean. So I wake up with my head pounding and stumble into the bathroom. I sit down only to realize that I am out of toilet paper. SIGH. I'm trying to hurry and finally make it out the door... to see that my windshield needs to be scraped. Who owns an ice scraper in South Carolina? Today I used my AMC Movie Watchers card. It did the trick just fine. Then I get into my car to find that the steering wheel is locked. Normally it just takes one forceful turn of the key to get it going when that happens. Not today. I struggled with it for about five minutes.. about to give into tears of frustration. And then remembering that the puffy eye look doesn't do much for me. My car decides it's been suitably vengeful and finally lets me turn the key. My thumb is still throbbing as I type.

Anyway, my road rage in South Carolina is bad enough as it is, but today it was off the charts. People driving 30 miles an hour in the left lane for no reason.. that sort of thing. Well, I was NOT in the mood today. I finally make it to the bridge. Almost at work! The end is in sight! No wait.. Those are blue lights in sight. I get pulled over for speeding on the ramp coming off the bridge... The officer asks for my license and insurance card which I hand over. Finding my registration is a little more tricky. I just got it like a month ago since I moved here.. I know it's in my glove box.. somewhere.. I hope. So I undo my seat belt so I can reach over and dig through the glove box. The cop comes back after running my license and goes, "Elizabeth, were you wearing your seat belt on the bridge?" OMG YES! Amazingly, I get away with a warning. Which I don't know how that's possible. The Mount Pleasant traffic cops are hardcore due to the fact that there is zero crime and therefore nothing else to do. We have to keep all these rich soccer moms safe from the evil working class!

Ohhhh I had to laugh as I was driving away from the scene of the crime though. Gotta laugh to keep from crying, right? Things can only get better. That's what people say. But that's not true, is it? Things could get worse. This day could end with a slight case of Ebola, for example. That's worse. But for now I'm just practicing my breathing exercises and trying to be thankful I don't live in a third world country where diseases such as Ebola are rampant.. But I wouldn't rule it out as a possibility.

Dairy Findings

I keep emailing my diet revelations instead of blogging about them! Maggie, sorry to repeat myself. :)

I like yogurt anyway, but especially since I've started back on my diet I've been eating one for breakfast everyday with fruit. My favorite is Yoplait Light Key Lime Pie. I don't know HOW they do it, but it's like you can even taste the graham cracker crust. Yum! But Maggie sent me a Dannon Activia rebate where they reimburse you up to $12. They're on sale @ Publix this week so how could I say no? Today I had the Light Strawberry flavor. I was a little intimidated since Activia promises to "naturally regulate your digestive system". Do I want my digestive system regulated? I'm not sure. So the verdict is that Activia does have a slight chalky/vitamin-y taste.. but it's not too bad. I can handle it for free yogurt. Plus, it's only 70 calories and the Yoplait is 100 calories.

I'm always in the market for a good cheese stick. It's my usual afternoon snack. So I was pleased to find Sargento Colby-Jack sticks for only 60 calories. I was like... sweeeeet.. But when I opened the package, I found that they're pretty small. HOWEVER, the cheese is more sharp than say the mozzarella sticks. So the amount is actually just right. Two thumbs up.

I guess I decided to join the guy-m. I'm probably going to make Maggie go with me to sign up. (FYI) Maybe later this week. The weather has been cold/rainy/all-around-yucky & I'm not very motivated to work out. To the treadmill!

Gym? What's a gym?

Hello, adoring fans. (All two of you who comment.) ::Ahem:: It has come to my attention that I have LURKERS on this blog. (Bones) If you stop by, I'd love to read your comments. It makes me feel good! :)

Okay, now that that's out of the way.. I'm still plugging along. I'm doing really well with the diet. The only problem is that I have some strong cravings. Like I told Sandra--My body misses the salt & fat. How terrible is that? That's what my body is used to. But it's true. I have been a salt fiend my whole life. I will reach for that shaker before I've even tasted my food. For the last three weeks I've gone cold turkey cutting out the salt. It's killing me! From someone who was VERY heavy handed with the salt, this is incredibly tough. I know they make lower sodium salt. But I wonder if it has chemicals and stuff in it? So that's my first dilemma.

Dilemma #2: I'm still debating on whether or not to join the gym here. I've made out a list of pros and cons for your reading pleasure.

Cons to Joining the Gym:

1. It's $40/mo. $11 more a month than what I paid in GA. OUTRAGEOUS.

2. This is kind of like #1... But since I'd be going after work, I'm not sure I'd take any classes and perhaps not be getting my money's worth?

3. 1 year contract.

4. Everyone here goes to that gym. There's a good chance people I know will see me getting my groove on on the treadmill.. And trust me, I can sweat in some odd places. Maggie, you know what I'm talking about.

Pros to Joining the Gym:

1. I haven't started any kind of weight training yet and I need to. I only have sad, little 3 lb. hand weights that aren't going to cut it. I think I need the weight machines to help out.

2. It gets dark so early now that if I don't leave for a walk the second I get home from work.. it's too dark and creepy. I could go to the gym whenever I want.

3. A 1 year contract could actually MOTIVATE me to go and get my money's worth.

So that's kind of where I am right now... Let me know what you think! Leave a comment!! :)

You know you're out of shape when you can't find your tennis shoes...

(My actual tennis shoes)

That's not even a joke. I've been walking in mostly flip-flops. But Sunday I spied the missing tennies behind a potted plant. Eureka! My feet will thank me.

The rest of this post is mostly from an email I send to Sandra. It's been on my mind a lot! Here goes...

All last week I was like so into my diet/exercise and motivated. And I still am.. but last night I started to get scared. I know I'm overweight because I'm an emotional eater. I can pinpoint when I started to gain weight--when I was 8 years old and I lost my sister. I guess it was subconscious then.. Because until my mom pointed it out like a year ago, I never really made a connection. But after thinking about it, I mostly over-eat when I'm stressed out or upset.

So last night I was freaking out. How can I ever stop this cycle? What happens when I lose the weight and something else happens and makes me emotional and want to eat? That's life. So how do I deal with it like a normal person and not like I always have for practically my entire life?

It's not like I used to be thin and put on some weight. I don't know a skinny version of myself... Or how to BE a skinny version of myself. I guess my ultimate fear is that I'll lose weight and still won't be happy with myself.. that it won't be good enough and I'll put it all back on... I need to fix what the problem is.. what's at the root of the weight gain.. And I don't know how!

I came to the harsh realization that other people love me but I don't love me! Not usually anyway. I know I'm a pretty good person... and sometimes I think I have a pretty face.. But I've never really been happy with myself. I've never NOT worried about the way I look. With every tub of ice cream and bag of chips I'm proving that I don't love myself. And that's wrong! I want to. I do. I know I can lose the weight. As twisted as it is.. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it!

That's definitely why I'm not outgoing or try to make friends. I don't want to put myself out there. I know it's not like anyone would outright make fun of me to my face. But I don't want to be "the funny, fat friend", you know? I'm more than that.. But that's the most visible thing about me. Even when I walk into a store I just feel like I'm being judged.. Even if people aren't... I just get all self conscious. Like at the grocery store... I think everyone's looking to see what I have in my cart. And then if I have healthy foods in my cart, I think they're all looking at me with pity and seeing a fat girl who's hopelessly trying to be skinny.

It's so insulting when someone says, "You have such a pretty face..." They're making it glaringly obvious that the rest of you is most definitely NOT pretty. Thanks.

No more excuses! I HAVE to do it this time! I'm so tired of being who I am now. I want more and I want to be happy! I don't want to lose weight for anyone else--just for me and my own reasons. I know I have an awesome personality and am beautiful on the inside (and modest too). But I deserve to be beautiful on the outside! I want my body to match my "pretty face".

So how do you start over? It's more than food and exercise.. That's the part I'm trying to figure out.. One pound at a time.

Another day, another walk..

I went to Sullivan's Island after work today and decided to walk on the beach. I don't know why I keep taking pictures of myself where I'm walking. I guess to document that I was actually there... Like the Travelocity Gnome or something.

Not sure why this one turned out so dark and ominous looking. :)

The bridge!

Everyday on my way to work, I drive over the Cooper River Bridge. I always see people running and walking on the bridge. I told myself I wanted to do that someday. Well, today was the day! The walk immediately seemed daunting because there's nowhere to park at the base of the bridge. I was wondering WHAT I had gotten myself into by the time we even made it to the bridge. I'm not gonna lie.. It was hard. Steep and uphill. I had flashbacks of my dad dragging me through Washington D.C., a city where walking is the main mode of transportation. (Just say the words "Lincoln Memorial and I still shudder. The closest Metro stop is like more than a mile away!?!) Anyway, it was hard but so worth it. The view was beautiful, but more than that, I was proud of myself. Yay, me! Besides, this makes it three days in a row that I've exercised. Which is no small feat. :) I took a couple pictures to document the momentous moment. PLEASE ignore the windblown hair!


So I've been thinking that I want to buy a "goal" item of clothing.. Something that I love and want to be able to wear. I don't really have much of a style because cute clothes in my size are very hard to find. I would dress TOTALLY different if I could go into any store and pick something off the rack. So that's why I was thinking of buying something. Maybe a cute top or a pretty dress. I'm not sure. I'm thinking of getting like a size 12 or 14. I haven't been a size 14 since middle school. Maybe it'll help motivate me. :) I'll keep you posted!