Field Guide to the Hot (And not so hot) Guys @ Pivotal Fitness

• The Jersey Shore Guys - This type of male should be avoided at all costs. They can frequently be seen in pairs, as their egos need constant stroking. They consider themselves to be Italian stallions and God's gift to women. The are usually too bulky, and as a result, have problems walking like a normal human being. This is what we refer to as a Monet. It looks good from far away, but up close it's one big mess. Look closely (if you dare), and you will find that the Jersey Shore Guys are not at all hot. You can find them grunting in true neanderthal fashion as they lift weights that are far too heavy for them to handle, in the hopes that they will be seen by others doing said reps. Beware, ladies. The Jersey Shore Guys might try to make an appearance in your treadmill/aerobics class. Actual quote: "Yee-ah, we're only takin' this clay-us bee-cawz we heard there might be some hawt chicks in hee-ya." How they ended up in South Carolina is still a mystery, pending investigation. In the words of Miss Pitty-Pat from Gone With the Wind, "Yankees in Georgia? How did they ever get in!"

• The Gladiator - My favorite eye candy at the gym. The Gladiator has perfectly formed arms. He likes to wear sleeveless shirts to show off his buff Arms of Manliness. Unlike the Jersey Shore Guys, this is acceptable because The Gladiator is indeed hot. You can find him at the pull-up machine doing countless reps. I recommend finding a good perch on the treadmill to watch this elusive creature. You will find your eyes going up and down in sync with the pull-up machine. The Gladiator knows he's hot and will smile back if he catches you staring at him.
  

• Salt & Pepper - Salt & Pepper is a hot, prematurely graying guy in his 30's. He does not have huge arms like The Gladiator, but he looks like a more approachable, normal guy. Salt & Pepper doesn't know he's hot, and that's half of his charm. He usually hops on a vacant treadmill a little more than half way through Tread & Shed. If I'm lucky, it's one next to me. I take extra delight in stretching slowly after class when he's about 8 inches away from me.

• The Ginger Gladiator - Much like the original Gladiator, but in Ginger form. Surprisingly attractive & always on the elliptical or doing pull-ups. I had the pleasure of being on a treadmill behind him while he worked out on the elliptical on Monday. I had a fabulous view of his amazing arms and muscle-y back. And let me just say.. All that ellipticalling has been good for his glutes.

• The Off Duty Cops - Not hot. And just a little FYI - If you can see me, I can also see you! Stop staring at me from the other side of the gym while you're resting in between doing reps. (You do more resting than actual reps.) You're balding and paunchy and probably thinking about your next donut. You only have a gym membership because you get some sort of cop discount and you feel special rolling up in your Crown Vic. You know who you are.

I hope these definitions will give you ladies a little more insight into the guys at my gym. So the next time I mention "Salt & Pepper", you'll know exactly who I'm talking about. :)