I need one of these!

Mini Magnet - Stop Sign When we saw this magnet we immediately thought...hmmm...here’s a perfect dieting aide. So if you struggling to lose those last ten pounds, simply put this magnet at eye level on your refrigerator door as a reminder to STOP….do not enter fridge, do not eat another piece of cheese, do not gain weight. Sure there are lots of other uses you can dream up where STOP is needed too. Also works on filing cabinets and other steel surfaces. Measures 2 ¾ inches W x 2 ¾ inches H.

http://www.spoonsisters.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=64903&Category_Code=1007102&Product_Count=94

Progress Report

Well… The good news is that I have been sticking to my diet and going to the gym. I will admit that I went out to eat a couple times last weekend with the fam. HOWEVER, I tried to make better choices and I took leftovers home instead of eating everything on my plate. I don’t think I overindulged though, which is a change!

Besides that I have been taking my lunch to work every day and going to the gym in the evenings. I’ve been keeping a food journal and really just trying to make an effort.

The bad news.. I stepped on the scale this morning and I’m pretty much the same. Sigh. I’m hoping it’s from the popcorn I ate last night while watching The Biggest Loser.. Maybe it’s just sodium/water weight. In any case, it’s kind of discouraging when you’ve been good for over a week and you don’t see any results! There are plenty of other things I would have rather eaten, trust me!

I’m still sticking with it.. Just slightly less enthusiastic about it all at the moment. Not to mention I'm still sore from the cursed stair stepper at the gym. Bigger sigh.

My Humps

Hello, my friends! Long time no blog.

Today is my third day on my diet. And I’ve actually stuck to it! No cheating, honest. (It was a little touch and go there for awhile when I drove past Moe’s yesterday and stared longingly out my window.)

My breakfasts have consisted of either a pear or an apple and Yoplait Thick & Creamy Light Yogurt – Key Lime Pie is still the best! I might have a 100 cal. granola bar if I’m still hungry. Then mid morning I do get kinda hungry and have some Goldfish. Did you know a serving is 55 Goldfish? Sounds like a lot, huh? More like a heaping handful. Yes, I literally count out 55 Goldfish. The little package claims that it contains 6 servings. We’ll see about that! I bet Pepperidge Farms didn’t count on (get it?) my Rain Man-like counting skills, did they?!

Lunch is a lovely salad. I grilled a bunch of boneless, skinless chicken breasts earlier this week. I put it on top of luscious Romaine and toss in broccoli and grape tomatoes for some added veggies. I went to Sticky Fingers last week and got a salad.. My proverbial “Last Supper” at a real restaurant for awhile.. ::sniff:: Anyway, the salad had a cut up boiled egg and I thought.. Hey, why didn’t I think of that? So I’ve been adding that to my salad for added protein. Who eats boiled eggs anymore these days? I had to Google how long to boil it! So sad. Anyway, I’m very careful about how much low-fat salad dressing I put on. It’s actually quite filling with the chicken and egg.

For my afternoon snack I might have a 100 cal. cheese stick and or the apple or pear.. Whichever I didn’t have for breakfast. I have other 100 cal. packs in my snack drawer at work that stare at me every time I open it. But I made a deal with myself. I HAVE to eat the fruit first. And then, if I’m still hungry, I can have it. But usually the fruit does the trick.

Dinner is usually a lean meat and two vegetables. Or a Lean Cuisine or Smart Ones meal in a pinch.

I’m not feeling deprived or tired of my diet yet. I will change up the food when that starts to happen.

And, I have to say that I am keeping a food journal. I generally dread doing this. I don’t know why. It only takes a second to jot down what you’re about to stuff in your face. I think it’s that accountability that I struggle with. I could secretly eat something and make sure no one saw.. but the journal doesn’t lie! And they say (Who is THEY, anyway?) you lose twice as much weight when you journal. So I’m all for that.

Last night I was up in the gym just workin’ on my fitness.. but I had no witness as I was there by myself. Although, I was super excited when they played “My Humps” on the stereo. I didn’t want everyone to stare at me for singing loudly and shaking what my momma gave me. (Actually… my booty clearly didn’t come from my mother. I don’t know where it came from. Sorry, Mom!) Anyhoo.. I was definitely singing it in my head and going that much harder on the elliptical. With the help of Fergie and 90210 re-runs on SoapNet, 30 minutes passed before I knew it. I moved on to the treadmill and did a full hour of cardio. Hopefully, there will be a little less junk in my trunk after I keep it up.

I also have something else to motivate me.. Planning a trip to NYC with Sandra! I am soooo excited to be going in February! And to second Sandra’s sentiments.. We need to slim down so we look cute in our wintery garb and not like Michelin Men in puffy coats. I really feel motivated to stick with this. I keep seeing people’s stories online who lost 100, or 200 lbs. And I thought to myself.. If they can do it, I can do it. That can be me! I’ve just had to tell myself that it won’t happen overnight. And it’s my overall habits that need to change. It’s not about one week or one pound. It’s about changing who I am. And I AM going to be skinny. :)

Lunch time has just gotten more complicated

I went to the gym last night despite my body's fervent protests. My legs were getting pretty stiff. I worked it out on the elliptical for awhile and they felt better. I still think I'm Fergie at the gym... JUST WORKIN' ON MY FITNESS! Except I had no witness. I went alone!

So anyway.. Moving on to lunch today. I wanted to go to Chick-fil-a or The Square Onion sooo bad. But I had already packed my little lunch and decided to stick with it. I normally park my car in the Publix shopping center and read a book. Far away from all the shops are some parking spots that are shaded by nice, big trees. So if I roll the windows down and read my book, it's actually quite pleasant under the trees. I like to spend my one free hour in solitude. No phones ringing, no background noise - just me and a good read.

Well, there's another lady who always parks in the same area, the same time of day as me. I don't know why, but I've decided her name is Joy. She just looks like one. Joy is a petite woman in her 50's with a cute bob and a champagne colored Toyota Corolla. I like to think that Joy and I have a little connection. We are both working women! We both like to park in the same spot for lunch! We both like to read a book and roll our windows down! Imagine my surprise a couple weeks ago when I roll up and see Joy's tiny arm dangling out her window with a cigarette in her hand! I mentally told Joy I was disappointed in her and parked a few spaces further away. I haven't seen her smoking since.

Have I mentioned that not far from my lovely asphalt haven is a Chick-fil-a? It was gorgeous today with a nice breeze, so I rolled down my windows - only to be hit in the face with the hypnotizing smell of breaded chicken wafting through the air. Oh.. my.. word.. You know how sometimes when you smell something while you're chewing, whatever was in your mouth kind of tastes like that? I was trying desperately to transform my whole wheat tortilla into a Chick-fil-a sandwich with extra pickles... Sniffing furiously - to no avail. HOWEVER, I should be proud of myself that I stuck to my guns. Right?!

I forgot to weigh myself again this morning! I remembered after I was already in the shower and it was too late. I know never to weigh myself water-logged. It's not pretty. Anyway, as of Wednesday I was down about 2 lbs. I hope it's more by now! I'll try to remember to check tomorrow.

I'm meeting Maggie after work for Sam's gymnastic class and the Little Caesar's that follows. Another HOWEVER: I plan to bring over my Hourglass [a.k.a. Lean Cuisine] and limit myself to one slice of pizza. And I will most likely relish in sniffing it first. That's just how I roll.

Now I know where my quads are...

Because they are throbbing.

The class was great though. It was hard but not too hard. I could keep up. And you can do as much or as little weight as you're comfortable with. I didn't do anything too heavy. I think I'm going to stay at that weight for a couple weeks and then work my way up.

It's funny - you start doing curls or rows and you think.. hey, I could do this all day long! And then you're doing them half way and back down and pulsing and holding them for 4 counts and then your arms turn to jell-o.

We also did a multitude of lunges and squats. Definitely not my fave - but I hope they're doing some good on my bottom parts.

I'm seriously sore in my quads, shoulders, and biceps. I have a desk job but I'm up and down a lot. Yeaaaah... My quads are screaming at me. And I kind of have to do the old lady hover-and-drop maneuver into my chair, but I feel good anyway! Woohoo!

I had the urge to blog

Lately it seems like I've been alternating between eating well and not working out or working out and not eating well. It's been the latter the last few weeks. I have been going to the gym regularly. And I try to make healthier choices when it comes to food - but if I'm honest, I haven't been trying that hard.

I went to Publix last night to stock up on healthy options. $70 later, I'm good to go. Sounds like a lot but I had NOTHING. I had been eating a healthy breakfast but was totally out of yogurt, granola bars & fruit. I typically eat a healthy dinner (chicken and two vegetables), but lunch is my downfall.

I have to plan ahead if I want to stay on track. So I bought some whole wheat tortillas, low fat lunch meat & low fat cheese for my lunches. I also bought all the fixins' for a veggie filled salad to accompany that. I got lots of fruit for breakfast and snacks. [Guess who's eating an apple right now. What!]

Maggie and I are going to a Power class at the gym tonight. I know it won't be a cakewalk but I'm excited. I feel happy. Hopeful. And full of apple.

I'm so ess-sited! I MET RUBY!

She is so amazing! Okay, wake up on Saturday morning at 7:00 just to hustle down to the mall for Ruby's Walk. I've been sick and Saturday I felt miserable. And on top of that, I ended up going alone. Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm pretty anti-social as it is. So I was wondering if I would actually get the nerve up to speak to Ruby.

A lovely woman sees me looking around hesitantly and politely tells me I need to register at the table up front. Just as I sign my John Hancock, Ruby herself waltzes in with her signature, "Hey y'aaaaall!" I fumble for my camera hoping to get a picture with her. The same lovely woman asks if I'd like her to get my picture with Ruby. Would I!

Just as I'm getting past the jitters and timidly edging toward Ruby, the announcer guy stands on a chair and starts blaring into a megaphone. The walk begins! Due to my close proximity to Ruby, I find myself at the beginning of the line of about 100 people. Did I mention that the walk kicked off at the food court? Anyhoo...

I'm sniffling and walking, trying to keep up the pace.. and Ruby in my sights at all times. I tried to get edged out by some enthusiastic walkers, but I elbowed them out of the way. And I may have coughed a little more than necessary to widen my berth. Every time we rounded a corner, people started snapping photos like crazy. I guarantee you that my big head is in every single one of those pics. But throughout the mile, I didn't want to pester Ruby. She was walking with Georgia, who is also on the show, & the announcer guy. About half way through, Hot Denny (as I have dubbed him), Ruby's motorcycle riding ex(?)-boyfriend showed up. He generously supplied her a bottle of water.. which makes me ponder their relationship status?!?! Hmmm....

Oh and on a side note: Georgia looks GREAT and you can definitely tell she's lost weight.

So after weaving around the wings of the mall a few times, the walk finally comes to an end. The nice lady urges me to go up there and get my picture with Ruby. So before anyone else can cut in on my Ruby Time, I march up to her. And it just starts spilling out... I gush to Ruby that I think she's gorgeous and I love the show and I would love even more to get a picture with her and she's such an inspiration. I think it came out in one big, long sentence.

She doesn't take a picture and hustle me off. She actually starts talking to me. She tells me she's lost 120 lbs. and has 230 more that she would like to lose. She asks me to take this journey with her and says she knows we can do it. Ruby also reveals that taping for the new season started last week and should premiere in June. She was just so nice and friendly. She talked to me for a few minutes and then asked if I'd like that picture.

Unbeknownst to us, my savior lady has been snapping pics the whole time! Ruby declares, "Let's get one with us posin'!" LOVE IT. She also told me she was "so ess-sited" about the new season starting up. I liked to have died right there. All my dreams coming true before my very eyes.

Even though I was sick and alone, I'm SO GLAD I went to see Ruby. She is SUCH a lovely person. And it's nice to know that the person you see on tv is the real Ruby. When the show comes back on, I'll definitely be tuning in and I hope you all do too!

Another Friday Weigh In

I'm down 2.6 lbs. for a grand total of 18.4 lbs. lost. Yay, me.

Supposedly, Ruby is going to be at Northwoods Mall next Saturday. You can go and meet her and walk with her. I haven't been able to find anything on the internet as to what time. Someone at work just told me about it. But if it's convenient... Maggie, are you in? I'm so ess-sited!

Still waiting for a witty title to come to me

Well, there's not much to report lately. I still feel kind of blah & tired but I'm working through it. I'm not quite so emotional as before. Ha. If you believe that...

I went to Georgia last weekend and had a good time with Sandra. We had some of our old favorites, so no, I didn't do wonderfully. But I didn't gain any weight on the trip. I've even gone down a little since getting back. But I'll wait until Friday to officially weigh in & post it.

Oh and I even tried the Zumba class at the gym last night. Well, I really only stayed for like 20 minutes because we had already worked out. It was kinda fun. Sandra asked if it brought out my inner-Latina. And while I wish I had one, I have to say no, it did not. Getting the rhythm down was difficult. But not nearly as frustrating as the step class that almost made me cry last week. I said ALMOST! Ughhhhhhh........ I have issues.

Oh and on a side note, I've turned Zumba into a verb: "I totally Zumba-ed last night!" "Did you see me Zumba-ing?"

Okay, enough for now. Debating on whether or not to actually hit "PUBLISH POST". Sigh.

The Whole Truth

I guess I haven't posted lately because I don't like to post the bad things. My blog is supposed to be fun and funny and I don't want to be a downer. But I've definitely been struggling the last few days.

Over the weekend I allowed myself to have my "free day" as usual. And I have just NOT wanted to get back on track since then. I'm mad. I resent the fact that I can't eat the foods I love more often. I'm mad at myself that I let myself get this way. And even when I have a small feat--choosing the apple even though I don't want it, or working out even when I'm tired and it would be much easier to stay home--I'm not happy about it. I'm not proud of myself that I made that one, good decision. I'm just frustrated and resent every bite of that apple and every step on that treadmill.

I know that losing weight and maintaining it will be a life long struggle for me. I get that. And if I gave into temptation I know I would feel worse and more ashamed--not better. But that doesn't really make it any easier. There are times when I just want shove the nearest thing into my mouth regardless of what it is. Not because I'm hungry but because I have an overwhelming urge to eat. It's like my drug, I swear. And more than once I have stopped myself by thinking, "If I eat that, I'm choosing to do so. I'm choosing to stay fat." I just can't go back to that. There's no future in it.

But even though I can control myself here and there doesn't mean the urges go away. It's getting harder and harder to deal with. I don't know what to do to make myself feel happier about it all. I never thought losing weight was going to be a cake walk (Cake!) but I have to make myself believe it's possible. I desperately want to be thin and goodness knows I'm trying. But I see my old habits coming out and it scares me. It's the intense inner battle that I never really expected.

I know part of the reason I'm so down is because I'm tired. I have to wake up around 5:00 a.m. to go to work. I get home around 5:00 p.m. I go to the gym after work for about an hour. And then I have to come home and do homework for awhile. By this time I'm exhausted but I have to make my lunch for the next day, do laundry, whatever... I rarely get 8 hours of sleep a night. More like 5-6 hours. I just don't know how to cram it all in though. I have to workout. I have to do homework. And most unfortunately, I have to go to work.

So here you have it. My "woe is me" blog. I know it's just a slump and I'll get past it. (I hope.) But I'm still reminding myself that I don't have Ebola yet (there was a close call) and things could be worse.

It's tricky

Hello dear readers.. and lurkers. Well, I did join the gym on Monday. I like working out in the ladies only section. Not really to avoid the men, but just because it's quieter and there are less people. Plus, from my perch on the elliptical machine, I have a birds eye view of whatever class is going on.

Monday night was Turbo Kick. A teeny, saucy Latina woman and her even teenier daughter were the instructors. We were about to leave the gym when the class started. All of a sudden Run DMC's "It's Tricky" started blaring and I could tell Maggie was getting into it. She convinced me to stand in the back of the class and join in for a few minutes. It was like kick boxing but a little more dance-y. Lots of booty shaking. I know Maggie enjoyed the triple jump back. It's hard to explain the moves. Tricky, even.

Tuesday night I spied on the Zumba class in progress. It's like a cardio workout based on Latin and other dance moves. I might consider doing that class sometime. Although I have NO rhythm whatsoever. I'm not just being modest either. No offense to my sisters, but none of us inherited the ability to dance well. It's just not in the genes. Can rhythm be learned? I'm not so sure. But it looked fun anyway.

I don't even know WHAT to call the class that was going on last night. The instructor was this kooky, hippie lady. They were doing like tribal dance moves 'n such. I felt like I was watching "The Lion King" on Broadway. And she kept saying things like, "Feel the music!", "There's no right or wrong way!" I beg to differ. Ahem. And then she had them gyrating on the balance balls. They were told to get into the position like you're having a baby and push. Not sure what kind of physical benefits that provides.. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

In any case, I'm enjoying the gym and I'm glad I joined. I push myself a little harder each time. I've definitely built up my endurance and am able to do things for longer. Oh and Maggie helps. As I told her, she thinks she's Jillian from The Biggest Loser. I know I'm in trouble when I want to quit and she shrieks, "ELIZABETH!" Although she hasn't told me not to get off the treadmill unless I'm bleeding or dying yet. Tomorrow is another day.

And now for my big news. It has been one month since I got back on track with my diet and exercise. And as of this morning I have lost SIXTEEN LBS! ::stirring the pot::

I'm going to take this moment to pat myself on the back. Yes, it has been hard. But it's not impossible. For me anyway, the most important thing is planning ahead. I pack my breakfast, lunch, & snacks the night before. When I buy a package of something, I portion it out into single servings so I'm less likely to eat the whole thing. I have fruits and vegetables coming out of my ears. And yes, I allow myself the occasional treat. Who can give up carbs or sweets for their entire life? That's just not realistic.

I look better but more importantly I feel better. And staying on track is even becoming.. you guessed it.. less tricky.

Recent pic of moi

Anything I'm Not

I bought the Lenka CD a couple weeks ago and absolutely love it!! The Show is an awesome song but my favorite is Anything I'm Not. When I first heard it I was like... That's me! It just describes me perfectly at this stage. And let's face it.. I will never be tall.

It all started with the toilet paper

So yeah, when I wake up with a headache, it pretty much stays with me all day. Which kind of sets the tone, if ya know what I mean. So I wake up with my head pounding and stumble into the bathroom. I sit down only to realize that I am out of toilet paper. SIGH. I'm trying to hurry and finally make it out the door... to see that my windshield needs to be scraped. Who owns an ice scraper in South Carolina? Today I used my AMC Movie Watchers card. It did the trick just fine. Then I get into my car to find that the steering wheel is locked. Normally it just takes one forceful turn of the key to get it going when that happens. Not today. I struggled with it for about five minutes.. about to give into tears of frustration. And then remembering that the puffy eye look doesn't do much for me. My car decides it's been suitably vengeful and finally lets me turn the key. My thumb is still throbbing as I type.

Anyway, my road rage in South Carolina is bad enough as it is, but today it was off the charts. People driving 30 miles an hour in the left lane for no reason.. that sort of thing. Well, I was NOT in the mood today. I finally make it to the bridge. Almost at work! The end is in sight! No wait.. Those are blue lights in sight. I get pulled over for speeding on the ramp coming off the bridge... The officer asks for my license and insurance card which I hand over. Finding my registration is a little more tricky. I just got it like a month ago since I moved here.. I know it's in my glove box.. somewhere.. I hope. So I undo my seat belt so I can reach over and dig through the glove box. The cop comes back after running my license and goes, "Elizabeth, were you wearing your seat belt on the bridge?" OMG YES! Amazingly, I get away with a warning. Which I don't know how that's possible. The Mount Pleasant traffic cops are hardcore due to the fact that there is zero crime and therefore nothing else to do. We have to keep all these rich soccer moms safe from the evil working class!

Ohhhh I had to laugh as I was driving away from the scene of the crime though. Gotta laugh to keep from crying, right? Things can only get better. That's what people say. But that's not true, is it? Things could get worse. This day could end with a slight case of Ebola, for example. That's worse. But for now I'm just practicing my breathing exercises and trying to be thankful I don't live in a third world country where diseases such as Ebola are rampant.. But I wouldn't rule it out as a possibility.

Dairy Findings

I keep emailing my diet revelations instead of blogging about them! Maggie, sorry to repeat myself. :)

I like yogurt anyway, but especially since I've started back on my diet I've been eating one for breakfast everyday with fruit. My favorite is Yoplait Light Key Lime Pie. I don't know HOW they do it, but it's like you can even taste the graham cracker crust. Yum! But Maggie sent me a Dannon Activia rebate where they reimburse you up to $12. They're on sale @ Publix this week so how could I say no? Today I had the Light Strawberry flavor. I was a little intimidated since Activia promises to "naturally regulate your digestive system". Do I want my digestive system regulated? I'm not sure. So the verdict is that Activia does have a slight chalky/vitamin-y taste.. but it's not too bad. I can handle it for free yogurt. Plus, it's only 70 calories and the Yoplait is 100 calories.

I'm always in the market for a good cheese stick. It's my usual afternoon snack. So I was pleased to find Sargento Colby-Jack sticks for only 60 calories. I was like... sweeeeet.. But when I opened the package, I found that they're pretty small. HOWEVER, the cheese is more sharp than say the mozzarella sticks. So the amount is actually just right. Two thumbs up.

I guess I decided to join the guy-m. I'm probably going to make Maggie go with me to sign up. (FYI) Maybe later this week. The weather has been cold/rainy/all-around-yucky & I'm not very motivated to work out. To the treadmill!

Gym? What's a gym?

Hello, adoring fans. (All two of you who comment.) ::Ahem:: It has come to my attention that I have LURKERS on this blog. (Bones) If you stop by, I'd love to read your comments. It makes me feel good! :)

Okay, now that that's out of the way.. I'm still plugging along. I'm doing really well with the diet. The only problem is that I have some strong cravings. Like I told Sandra--My body misses the salt & fat. How terrible is that? That's what my body is used to. But it's true. I have been a salt fiend my whole life. I will reach for that shaker before I've even tasted my food. For the last three weeks I've gone cold turkey cutting out the salt. It's killing me! From someone who was VERY heavy handed with the salt, this is incredibly tough. I know they make lower sodium salt. But I wonder if it has chemicals and stuff in it? So that's my first dilemma.

Dilemma #2: I'm still debating on whether or not to join the gym here. I've made out a list of pros and cons for your reading pleasure.

Cons to Joining the Gym:

1. It's $40/mo. $11 more a month than what I paid in GA. OUTRAGEOUS.

2. This is kind of like #1... But since I'd be going after work, I'm not sure I'd take any classes and perhaps not be getting my money's worth?

3. 1 year contract.

4. Everyone here goes to that gym. There's a good chance people I know will see me getting my groove on on the treadmill.. And trust me, I can sweat in some odd places. Maggie, you know what I'm talking about.

Pros to Joining the Gym:

1. I haven't started any kind of weight training yet and I need to. I only have sad, little 3 lb. hand weights that aren't going to cut it. I think I need the weight machines to help out.

2. It gets dark so early now that if I don't leave for a walk the second I get home from work.. it's too dark and creepy. I could go to the gym whenever I want.

3. A 1 year contract could actually MOTIVATE me to go and get my money's worth.

So that's kind of where I am right now... Let me know what you think! Leave a comment!! :)

You know you're out of shape when you can't find your tennis shoes...

(My actual tennis shoes)

That's not even a joke. I've been walking in mostly flip-flops. But Sunday I spied the missing tennies behind a potted plant. Eureka! My feet will thank me.

The rest of this post is mostly from an email I send to Sandra. It's been on my mind a lot! Here goes...

All last week I was like so into my diet/exercise and motivated. And I still am.. but last night I started to get scared. I know I'm overweight because I'm an emotional eater. I can pinpoint when I started to gain weight--when I was 8 years old and I lost my sister. I guess it was subconscious then.. Because until my mom pointed it out like a year ago, I never really made a connection. But after thinking about it, I mostly over-eat when I'm stressed out or upset.

So last night I was freaking out. How can I ever stop this cycle? What happens when I lose the weight and something else happens and makes me emotional and want to eat? That's life. So how do I deal with it like a normal person and not like I always have for practically my entire life?

It's not like I used to be thin and put on some weight. I don't know a skinny version of myself... Or how to BE a skinny version of myself. I guess my ultimate fear is that I'll lose weight and still won't be happy with myself.. that it won't be good enough and I'll put it all back on... I need to fix what the problem is.. what's at the root of the weight gain.. And I don't know how!

I came to the harsh realization that other people love me but I don't love me! Not usually anyway. I know I'm a pretty good person... and sometimes I think I have a pretty face.. But I've never really been happy with myself. I've never NOT worried about the way I look. With every tub of ice cream and bag of chips I'm proving that I don't love myself. And that's wrong! I want to. I do. I know I can lose the weight. As twisted as it is.. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it!

That's definitely why I'm not outgoing or try to make friends. I don't want to put myself out there. I know it's not like anyone would outright make fun of me to my face. But I don't want to be "the funny, fat friend", you know? I'm more than that.. But that's the most visible thing about me. Even when I walk into a store I just feel like I'm being judged.. Even if people aren't... I just get all self conscious. Like at the grocery store... I think everyone's looking to see what I have in my cart. And then if I have healthy foods in my cart, I think they're all looking at me with pity and seeing a fat girl who's hopelessly trying to be skinny.

It's so insulting when someone says, "You have such a pretty face..." They're making it glaringly obvious that the rest of you is most definitely NOT pretty. Thanks.

No more excuses! I HAVE to do it this time! I'm so tired of being who I am now. I want more and I want to be happy! I don't want to lose weight for anyone else--just for me and my own reasons. I know I have an awesome personality and am beautiful on the inside (and modest too). But I deserve to be beautiful on the outside! I want my body to match my "pretty face".

So how do you start over? It's more than food and exercise.. That's the part I'm trying to figure out.. One pound at a time.

Another day, another walk..

I went to Sullivan's Island after work today and decided to walk on the beach. I don't know why I keep taking pictures of myself where I'm walking. I guess to document that I was actually there... Like the Travelocity Gnome or something.

Not sure why this one turned out so dark and ominous looking. :)

The bridge!

Everyday on my way to work, I drive over the Cooper River Bridge. I always see people running and walking on the bridge. I told myself I wanted to do that someday. Well, today was the day! The walk immediately seemed daunting because there's nowhere to park at the base of the bridge. I was wondering WHAT I had gotten myself into by the time we even made it to the bridge. I'm not gonna lie.. It was hard. Steep and uphill. I had flashbacks of my dad dragging me through Washington D.C., a city where walking is the main mode of transportation. (Just say the words "Lincoln Memorial and I still shudder. The closest Metro stop is like more than a mile away!?!) Anyway, it was hard but so worth it. The view was beautiful, but more than that, I was proud of myself. Yay, me! Besides, this makes it three days in a row that I've exercised. Which is no small feat. :) I took a couple pictures to document the momentous moment. PLEASE ignore the windblown hair!


So I've been thinking that I want to buy a "goal" item of clothing.. Something that I love and want to be able to wear. I don't really have much of a style because cute clothes in my size are very hard to find. I would dress TOTALLY different if I could go into any store and pick something off the rack. So that's why I was thinking of buying something. Maybe a cute top or a pretty dress. I'm not sure. I'm thinking of getting like a size 12 or 14. I haven't been a size 14 since middle school. Maybe it'll help motivate me. :) I'll keep you posted!